Mark Laita (American, b. 1960, Detroit, MI, USA, based Los Angeles, CA, USA) - 1: Stormtrooper Python 2: King Cobra 3: Big Python 4: Orthriophis Moellendorffi, 5: Orthriophis Taeniurus Friesei 6: Royal Python (Python Regius) nestling its eggs 7: Speckled King Snake 8: Rhinoceros Viper 9: Black Mamba 10: Vogel’s Pit Viper (female), Photography
Sure you’re “child free” now. But in 20 years when your riches are vast and you rule with an iron fist you’re gonna feel real fucking embarrassed when you’re ready to be usurped and the only guy scheming enough to poison your wine Is a weird cousin with vague familial connections instead of your flesh and blood idiot son that wants the throne a few years sooner
Rating the birds in my backyard by tendency toward violence
Northern Cardinal, 4/10
I’m sometimes worried the male is sexually harassing the female but I’m pretty sure they’re just doing some elaborate public pickup roleplay. The rest of us didn’t agree to participate in your kink, guys.
American Robin, 1/10
Literally just some dude hanging out. Never bothered anyone but worms. Big fan of the way you just stand there in the middle of the grass like you forgot what you were supposed to be doing.
House Sparrow, 10/10
You’re a gang. You’re participating in gang violence. There’s ten billion of you living in a single wood pile and it’s been civil war for three years now. When will the bloodshed end?
Tufted Titmouse, 1/10
A shy baby. A pretty little guy. I saw you on the neighbor’s garage roof and time stopped. There were anime sparkles around you. Come back.
European Starling, 9/10
Why is it always you? Listen, I know, I KNOW the sparrows are the problem, and YET. When the fighting starts, it’s always you in the middle of it, provoking them and then screaming like you’re an innocent bystander defending yourself. I’m onto you.
Carolina Wren, 3/10
This rating is not for physical violence, which you don’t engage in, but for your role as an incurable narc. A tattle tale. I know they’re fighting again, okay? I see it. Our yard has been a warzone for years, you don’t have to make a big announcement every time someone misbehaves.
Eastern Wood-Peewee, 0/10
If this were “birds who think they’re better than everyone else,” you’d get 10/10.
Red-bellied Woodpecker, 6/10
It’s a utility pole. It’s not a tree. You’re surrounded by trees that are full of bugs. But there you are, on the utility pole. Committing vandalism.
American Crow, unrated
For who am I to cast judgment on the actions of La Famiglia? I assume you are doing what is best for the neighborhood. If I could, though, without criticism, make a single observation. That when large numbers of you gather in the ominous dead cottonwood - no? No, you’re right. None of my business.
Great Crested Flycatcher, 5/10
Frankly, I think you could be doing more. I think your name implies a great potential. I think you should massacre the insects. I think your beak should drip with viscera.
enough reclaiming slurs, I think in 2023 we should reclaim nascar. they banned the confederate flag on all properties & their stance on lgbtq+ isn’t just performative bc in 2013 they fined a driver 10k for using a homophobic slur, condemned indiana in a statement for an anti lgbt law, and partnered w carolina’s lgbt+ chamber of conference in 2022. nascar was founded by anti-cop moonshiners/bootleggers who drove suped-up fords to out-run the police. #yaaascar
HELP
To this day, my favorite argument I ever had was with my Nascar-loving family about how a thin blue line flag on a Nascar is antithetical to the core tenets of Nascar. There is no organization more rooted in ACAB than Nascar. Literally, the only reason it exists was that a bunch of moonshining families had to build cars that could outrun the cops while on supply runs during the Prohibition Era. The goal was to make the car look like a regular vehicle so they could pick up supplies or drop off illegal alcohol without arousing suspicion. But if the cops were on you all you had to do was put the pedal to the metal and that little truck could outrun them with no problems. And of course, families would be in competition over who made the best alcohol, and whose car was fastest. So, they would have races on the weekends. When prohibition was lifted, the races continued. And that is why we have Nascar.
It really frustrates me how people look at American car culture and scoff at it. Formula One racing is more exciting and more dynamic to watch, but the history of it is not as interesting: a bunch of rich assholes who made specialized cars for racing. And to this day, it is still a rich man’s sport. Whereas Nascar was about a bunch of so-called hicks in the backwoods who used some basic hand tools and trial and error to make a junker into a racecar.
it’s so fucking embarrassing to find a conventionally attractive man attractive every time it happens. like oh you think the handsome man is handsome? you find the attractive guy attractive? derivative. passé. pedestrian
tbh if you’re a grown ass adult lying to girls/young women about the real-life risks and realities of pregnancy & childbirth because you don’t want to “scare them off having kids”, you are genuinely a bad person. this one goes out to all the older women who feel entitled to grandchildren especially
the “no spoiler culture”, mainly perpetuated by the marvel cinematic universe, that pushes the idea that a story is only worth watching and telling if the audience knows absolutely nothing about it beforehand, has done irreparable damage to storytelling and how an audience interacts with the story. in this essay i will-
It’s also really ironic coming from a franchise based entirely on very popular pre-existing source material.
spilling a drink is one of the deepest pains imaginable. the loss of delicious liquids. the knowledge your adult ass needs a little no-spill baby sippy cup. now you have to clean instead of enjoy your delicious beverage and pray that the ants dont discover youre a god damn fool
